You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
