Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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