Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
