it was like his penis was on wheels.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
