fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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