So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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