how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
