A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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