Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
