I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
