I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
