so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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