I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
