i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I will pee on everything he values.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
