We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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