If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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