i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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