just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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