Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
