if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
