Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
