people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
