The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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