there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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