You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
