You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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