Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
