Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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