I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
