hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
