I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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