What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
