i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
