Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize