They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
