well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
