Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
