Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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