Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just invented taco cereal.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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