I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
