Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
