Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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