At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Is it because I queefed?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
