Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
