is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
