Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
