Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
