i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
