There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
These tits shall not be calmed
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
