apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
