I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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