More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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