Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
