She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
