Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
