I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
