walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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