i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He felt like a one man threesome
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
