you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
