I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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