hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
