It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
