I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
