There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
