I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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