I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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