sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
