i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
