I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
