If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
