its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I want to be your penis for a week.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
